Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Gangs, Birth Family, And What Are We To Do?

We have a dilemma here.

Teen birth brothers and birth cousin are going deeper into gang life, flashing colors, getting tattoos, cousin just got out of "Juvie" for stealing a shirt with gang colors and getting caught while at birth mom's house, etc.  Oldest birth brother is awaiting a jury trial for murdering a 19 year old girl and injuring a couple others in a fight.  Birth mother is trying to get her life together, but is up to her ears in out of control teen boys, the trial, taking care of numerous nieces and nephews while their parents are in jail and doing her own post-prison requirements.  Birth Uncle, who actually has it the most together in his family, has been in the nursing home and hospital for a month with a bad infection. His wife is looking for a home with wild birth cousin and her littlest boy because they are currently living with relatives. We've been in contact with them, Hubby visiting the hospital and we've been helping with rides when possible, since they also lost their car.

The dilemma is that some contact with the birth family has been good so far.  Some of the birth family really need a little help and encouragement.  Birth mom seems to be avoiding us at this time and doesn't want the kids to visit her at her house and doesn't answer some calls.  The birth family seems a bit dangerous at this time, and we don't want the kids to be sucked into gang life or caught in some dangerous turf war, etc.  I also don't want the kids to feel rejected again like they did before when we lost contact with the birth family.  

We need wisdom.  How much, with whom, and what kind of contact do we encourage so that it is best for the children?  What do I say to the kids when their birth mom seems to be avoiding them?  How do I explain things to them in a way that they can understand, yet won't blurt out something stupid to the family that can be misinterpreted?  


FASD and Learning

Yesterday, as my 8th grade daughter was doing her vocabulary homework, I was hit again by the realization that FASD affects the brain.  Sometimes I forget, because she seems so normal. And then WHAM! I realize why I pulled her out of school and started homeschooling both kids.  All she had to do yesterday, was to pick out the opposite of each vocabulary word.  The opposite of rigid is...floppy.  The opposite of nonchalantly is...carefully.  Now this exercise wouldn't have been difficult for her on many days.  Yes, she might get caught up on what the vocabulary word was, but she could go back to a previous page and look it up.  But yesterday was different.  She got caught up in the directions part because she forgot what OPPOSITE was.  An 8th grader! Not antonym...Opposite!  I know she was taught opposites, both at home and when she attended school until the 5th grade.  It's not me as a homeschool mom who dropped the ball and forgot to teach my kid something so basic.

No, the problem is that alcohol bathed her brain before she was born and things aren't all as they should be.  And unless God heals her, she has and will struggle with memory, balance, decision making, emotions, self control, etc.  One day she remembers something, the next day she learns it new.  I've noticed that things get worse under stress.  When she was in 4th grade at school, she had to do a book report and couldn't even copy the title of the book because of the stress of a deadline.  And stresses can come in the form of having a cold, time of the month, something happening with a friend, birth family trouble (which I think was yesterday's stress), noise, change in routine, etc. One day she would know something, the next not, only to know it the day after. This makes homeschooling her a little embarrassing and challenging for me sometimes.  But at least at home she can learn the material again and again, putting it in another part of the brain, so that it increases the chance of connections being made when she needs to recall it in the future.  And as long as her little brother doesn't tease her for not remembering, we'll be good.

The other day while we were walking with her friend, my daughter asked me why her pinky finger was so small.  Because her friend was with her, I didn't tell her that it was because of the alcohol her mom drank before she was born.  I didn't tell her that her upper lip would have been a little fuller, her face and  her ears changed a bit, her eyes would have been a little larger and would be shaped a little different also.  She is beautiful now, but she would be beautiful in a little different way had things been the way they should.

Sometimes I wish I didn't know so much about fetal alcohol.  I love to learn about things.  But because I love my kids and know how things are stacked against them, I wish it had never happened.  I wish I never had to know, firsthand, what fetal alcohol is. I used to get angry at their birth mom for damaging the kids before they had a chance, but after a while I could see that she was probably affected by FASD herself. The whole family is really messed up, some of whom show the physical signs of prenatal exposure, others just the mental and social signs.  I hope and pray that the cycle will stop with my kids.

Monday, August 29, 2011

32 years! How in the world have we done it?

Yesterday, Hubby and I celebrated 32 years of marriage!

Now this is a pretty big thing in a world where divorce and not even bothering to get married is common.  And this is an even bigger thing when you consider that I wasn't even 18 and he was just 20 when we first tied the knot.  Oh, and don't forget that he has a completely different personality than I do.  He is a geeky programmer,that I strongly suspect is an Aspie, who needs order in his life.  I'm a disorganized artistic gal who really gets energized when I'm around people.  These are just a taste of our differences.

How do we do it?  How have we stayed together in relative peace when those around us have so much conflict?

God has helped.  He drew us together and has guided us, in seen and unseen ways, for many years. We both have been pretty much on the same level in our walk with God throughout our marriage. We both try to hear His voice in making decisions and have the same desire to follow what we think is in His will.

I think another thing that has helped us is that we both recognize that we are broken, imperfect people.  We try to extend to the other the same grace we hope to receive when we make mistakes.  We try our best, but we know that we will step on each other's toes from time to time, we will do or say things that will hurt the other, and we will fall short.  But we also know that we care for and want the best for each other.  When we admit our mistakes, apologize, do better next time, we can then get on with life. We don't assume that because one of us does something unthoughtful that it's because we're trying to make the other person's life miserable or don't care for each other.  Only God is perfect.  The rest of us need grace and forgiveness...Lots of it!

Another thing is that we realize that we were really made for each other.  Hubby has strengths in ways that I am weak, and the opposite is true.  We are really a pretty good team, complimenting each other like the pieces of a puzzle.  We can have a much better picture of situations because we see the world in such different ways.  Together we can do so much more than what we would be able to do individually.

I am so thankful for such a good husband for me.  God knew what he was doing.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Transitions!

This week has been a week of transitions, and it has been a difficult one!

Hubby came home from Nicaragua and is transitioning back to family and work life in the USA.  He actually is doing pretty well, though he is a bit tired.

Our oldest son and his family moved from their apartment near us and will be moving a little farther away.  We helped them the day after Hubby got back and I played with the baby Tuesday before a church meeting so they could move the last little bit.

Our house church had a combined service with other house churches in our city this weekend and so that was a change.

The youngest of our birth daughters transferred to a 4 year university.  So bathroom times are being worked out. Of course she forgot something important yesterday and I rescued her, throwing in another change of schedule.

We started our homeschool year a week ago, and the change of bedtime and daytime schedules has been more transitions.

Now I'm a bit of the artistic spontaneous type, so transitions don't throw me off too much...

Except I live with a couple of kids that can't handle transitions...At all...FASD and past trauma have teamed up with these transitions to produce one sullen girl who doesn't trust and a 11 yo boy who has had temper tantrums, meltdowns, and LOTS of drama.   He couldn't take no for an answer and sulked or changed his mind back and forth over and over when he needed to choose something. Now, after the drama, he does calm down and becomes his normal happy, helpful, and sweet self the rest of the day.  But by then I'm exhausted.  Yesterday I was so upset when Hubby grounded Mr. I for the rest of the day.  I was wanting some peace and was looking forward to the time when Mr. I would play outside with friends and work some of the pent up energy out.  But it worked out.  Mr. I helped Hubby fix the dishwasher and calmed down after having a Time In.  Time ins work better than time outs for kids with RAD and past trauma, as long as the parent is able to keep a good, cheerful attitude.  I wasn't.  Fortunately, Hubby was.

I know what causes this type of behavior.  And I know that once the routine sets in it will be better.  I just pray that I can stay half way sane while dealing with so much craziness.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Disappointment, Rejection, and the Road to Bitterness

Remember the dream I had a few days ago? I wrote about it in, Do You Think God is Trying to Tell me Something? Well, last night I went to a combined church service with Hubby and kids.  There was a part of the night where people were asked to share God stories.  I was looking forward to Hubby sharing at least a little part of his trip to Nicaragua.  I have only heard a few bits and pieces the last two days since he is so tired and needs some quiet, and because of moving my son and praying for some members of the kids' birth family, he's been too busy to share much.  So anyway, I had the expectation that he would be given even a minute or two to tell how God had come through.  Well, just like in the dream when I couldn't get three seats because church people kept jumping ahead and saving seats for others, leaving me standing and crying in the aisle, last night people kept jumping ahead and telling their stories before Hubby could fully raise his hand.  And when the pastor seemed to ignore us, it was just too much for me.  I left the room crying.

Now, Hubby isn't bothered at all. He knew time was short.  But I've also been dealing with a rejection from a family member while Hubby was in Nicaragua but I was too preoccupied to really process it.  This person keeps doing things over and over and I get hurt every time.  Sometimes I wonder why?  It shouldn't be that way.  But it is.

It's easier to handle rejection from the little kids.  I know when they say,  "I hate you", call me names, or mock me, that they are coming from a hurt place.  I guess it's the same with the family member, but it hurts to the core.  And when I am overlooked with church people, I'm not just reacting to the current situation, but to all the other ones that haven't been fully dealt with.  It's like a raw sore that keeps getting opened up.

Earlier today, Hubby was reading a Facebook entry by Rick Joyner.  It said something like every great man is rejected, and he can choose to become bitter or better.

I don't want to be bitter.  I've cried so much last night and this morning.  I am so hurt.  I missed seeing one of my sons play drums in a church because I didn't want to be near church people. But I can't let the wounds fester and turn me into a bitter person.  I need to let God use this to change me to be better.

I'm just not that strong right now.  Fortunately, God is strong in my weakness.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Hubby is Home!

Hubby just came home yesterday afternoon from Nicaragua.  I am amazed at how well things went there and at home while he was gone.  Oh, we had our share of dysregulated kids and a broken dishwasher, and Hubby was hot and couldn't take a warm shower for three weeks, but all in all, nothing major went wrong. And a lot went right and beyond expectations. Traveling went by without hitches, relationships with people were made and deepened, people were prayed for and encouraged, classes were taught, sermons were preached, and new ideas for micro businesses were made.  Hubby was on the radio, did a web cast, and was almost on TV, except that a power outage kept them from it.  He taught programming at the university in Bluefields and they want him back next year. I'll write more later with some pics, but Hubby is getting hungry for some french toast!

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Homeschool Time!

Today we are starting our homeschool for the year for the two youngest.  This, despite I'm not ready, despite Hubby is still in Nicaragua, despite the stress of homeschooling kids with lots of letters, like FASD, RAD, PTSD.  I start not because it's good timing for our family, but because I follow the neighborhood public schools' schedule.  My kids are so social, and to continue a little school during the summer is nearly impossible with kids at the door every day. I've had the curriculum for months and the kids know the routine.  They even started their math last night before bed, they were so excited to start.  But it's a scary thing to teach kids who normally don't like to learn, because when it gets difficult, the fussing, tuning out, and rages start happening.  FASD has especially affected my daughter, who will one day know something and not the next, only to remember the day after that.  Her reading comprehension has never been very good, even when she attended a school.  She has a hard time following a chapter book, even when read to her, because she can't always remember what was read the day before.  When stressed, she disassociates and just stares, which is one of the reasons I pulled both of them out of school. I'm pretty scared this morning.

But school must go on!

I hope to begin the year with a good, cheerful attitude.  I hope to make learning fun.  I hope to help the kids, who have had so much against them, to lead a good life, loving God, and being the best that they can be.  It will take more than I have to do this. It seems impossible to me. Yet God has a way of bringing us through impossible situations.  It's a good thing He is bigger than anything we can throw at Him.  And He loves and cares for us more than we can imagine.


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Do You Think God is Trying to Tell Me Something?

Sometimes God seems to try to teach me things when I am the least busy...Like through dreams...Or as I wake up...

Sometimes He reinforces His message with odd and unexpected things...Like hearing the same message on the radio...Or reading something...Or seeing something on the news...

Sometimes it takes a few times and hard knocks to get His message across...Sometimes I can be so dense and need to hear things over and over...

This morning I woke up with a dream.

In the dream, I was visiting a large church in the neighborhood with some of my older and younger kids, without Jim, because he was on a trip.  We arrived early, but were directed to a parking lot far from the church.  The parking lot had people blocking my way who finally had me park in a sand dune that was forming in the wind.  I walked to the church, but the kids were distracted by some friends.  I told them to hurry, as the service was to start in a few minutes, and I would find us all a seat.  When I got to the church no one greeted me.  I had to chase down an usher to get a program.  Then when I tried to find three seats together, figuring the oldest ones would want to sit by themselves, people kept moving their stuff, saving seats before I could save the three for my family.  One row was empty, but as I got near, two ladies started to place their Bibles, jackets, and such so that there were only two seats left.  As I went toward the back, people brought out new chairs, but immediately saved seats for their friends so I couldn't get any.  Meanwhile, the music started, the kids came in, and I started crying out with tears, "I only need three seats!"  No one listened.  No one really cared.  They were all caught up in their own stuff, their own needs, their own friends.  I couldn't believe how they treated a new guest!  I felt so unwanted and unloved, and was so frustrated!

After waking up from that dream, I opened up a puzzle book.  I like to do different puzzles when I'm sorting out thoughts.  Well, this time I was doing a Quotagram, which is a word puzzle that when you finish there is a quote.  Here it is:

Behave toward everyone as if receiving a great guest.


Don't you think God is teaching me something?

Monday, August 15, 2011

Thankful Time!

Ok!  Now is a time to change directions and count my blessings!
I read one blog last winter, and I'm sorry I can't remember which one, where a woman listed her blessings. What a good idea!  When I get bogged down with life, it changes my perspective when I think of good things.  So here goes my beginning of writing them down.


  1. My chickens laid five eggs yesterday! 
  2. Grandson!  It was so good to see him in church yesterday waving his arms while his daddy played the drums.
  3. Hubby is in Bluefields, Nicaragua today for the next three days teaching a computer class at a college for indigenous people.
  4. A man is wanting to help the church in Bankukut, Nicaragua.
  5. Hubby's trip is going well and he is accomplishing so much.
  6. House church went well at our house Saturday.
  7. Lots of people are praying for me and our family!
  8. My friend made it to Ohio safely and is spending some time relaxing at a hotel while she waits for her beds to arrive at her new house.  Her kids are having a blast at the pool!
  9. My oldest daughter has a job in her field, microbiology.
  10. My younger kids are doing better than the stats say at this time.
  11. We brought a bunch of blueberries home from Hubby's parents in Oregon.  We ate some fresh, gave a few away, and froze the rest.  Yum!
  12. I had a good walk this morning with a friend.
  13. It is a beautiful day today, sunny and not too hot.
  14. My silkworms are spinning.
  15. Hot and cold running water!
  16. Enough food.
  17. Electricity
  18. Good neighbors
  19. Family that loves God
  20. God!  Who knows me and loves me anyway!

Parenting Turned Upside Down

I've been thinking about how differently I parent my kids with FASD with touches of leftover RAD and PTSD.  It is so different than how I parented my biological children.  On the outside, it doesn't look like I'm doing a good job.  Some think I'm too protective and don't give the children enough opportunities to spread their wings.  Others think I let them get by with too much.  That they are too disrespectful, too wild and out of control.  The reality is that parenting kid like this was affected before I even knew them, before they were even born.  And that was out of my control!  I like to have things pleasant, calm, and happy.  But with kids who were traumatized inside and out of the womb, pleasant, calm, and happy aren't their reality much of the time.  If they feel stressed, for any reason, they can't get to that place.  My son, even at 11, will scream and be rude if he is the least bit hungry.  He can't wait ten minutes until the food is put on the table. He is like an infant in some ways.  My daughter is a hormone machine and is drawn to boys and men.  We've had to chase off twenty something year olds when she was eleven.  The odds of either or both of them to have a good life, free from abuse, jail time, early pregnancy, mental illness, etc. are stacked against them. http://www.faslink.org/fasmain.htm  Another mom writes a blog, http://urbanservant.blogspot.com/.  It has helped me to know that I'm not alone.  There are rocky times. I can change some outcomes for the kids, but there are limitations.  Limitations in the kids.  Limitations in me.  I'm not perfect.  I make mistakes... a lot of mistakes.  But God ordained that I raise these children that I love with all my heart. And even when I have to make decisions that are contrary to what I would have done with the older children, I'm doing the best I can to give the kids a chance.  I haven't given up hope that they could lead a good life as adults, despite the hurdles set before them.  Some things are out of my control, but all things are in God's control.  And realizing that is a good place to be.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Another Day, A New Loss...

Loss...

We all have to experience it sometime.  My kids have experienced more than their share of loss in their short lives.  Some losses are temporary.  And each time someone goes away and comes back brings healing, siblings going to college and coming back, Dad going to Nicaragua for a few weeks, Mom going to a homeschool conference over night.  Other losses are permanent, the loss of a pet, the loss of a birth parent.  Some of the losses are almost too much for a little one to handle.  And even temporary losses bring fear and extreme behaviors because it isn't the current loss that is brought up, but all the losses over their whole lives.  My children don't just react to Dad going to Nicaragua for a few weeks like the average child their age.  They react as if they'll never see him again.  They become fearful.  They try to cope, but don't have the inner strength.  They need help.

Today some good friends are moving cross country to a new home.  This would be a difficult thing for anyone to deal with, but the loss is compounded for my two youngest ones who have experienced so much loss in their lives already.  This morning, the father of the family came to pick up their dog, which Ms. D was watching for a couple of nights for them while they finished packing and stayed at a nearby hotel.  Ms. D had spent much of the summer at their house, helping with the baby while the mom packed.  So Ms. D is having a pretty rough time today.  No, she isn't having meltdowns like her brother would.  She withdraws.  Which is harder in some ways. She tends to avoid her emotions and close in like a snail.  Which makes it more difficult for me to help her process her grief.  But I will try.  I have to.  I have to find ways to help her to grieve.  I have to find ways to help her to reach out to family for comfort.  I have to find ways to help her let God enfold her and bring her through.  The old ways of coping with loss just don't work any more.  Not that they worked very well when she was four and came to our house.  She used to pull out her hair and scratch herself on her neck and face until she bled.  I don't want her to hurt herself on the outside or inside in her grief.  No mother does.  But experiencing loss and healing from loss is a part of life.  And I'm glad she is my daughter and I can help her learn.

Church in Our Home

Last night we had church in our home.

I love the intimacy, the depth of relationships, the interaction in teaching, and the freedom to do things that in a larger, more organized church would be difficult.  Different people teach, host, MC, lead worship, pray, do missions, and reach out to their community. You don't just wait until what your gifting is matches with what is needed in the larger church.  You step out and do it.  Sometimes with others within and outside the church, sometimes alone.  That is how Hubby is able to go to Nicaragua.  He has the prayer backing and some financial support from others in the church, but he was able to go out and do what he felt God called him to do.  Also, in our meetings, we take turns hosting, teaching, leading the meeting, and leading worship. The Bible study is fresh.  It is current.  It is applicable to our lives.  We can ask questions or add to the discussion.  I think there is even less of a tendency to have bad teaching than in a larger church where there isn't the immediate accountability.  We can pray for each other more easily.  No one has to leave without getting prayer for something. Sometimes the worship is a little more difficult in a small setting.  There aren't that many musicians in a small gathering, and sometimes worshipping with recorded music is more difficult.  But last night was wonderful.  The pastor of The Gathering by the Bay, the network our church is part of, led music using his ipod.  I could really feel the presence of God, which was so needed with all that is going on in my life right now!

I love my church.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

More News from Nicaragua

Hubby just texted this to me:

 "Bankukut makes Rama Cay seem like a nice hotel, but the natural beauty and the people are wonderful. We asked if they get visitors and they said oh yes...We asked when...They said in 2000. Many kids just stared at us and some were terrified like I was a monster. It was very remote."


Now if you've never been to Rama key before, let me describe it to you.  It is two small islands joined by a little strip of filled in land about an hour motorboat ride from Bluefields, Nicaragua.  It is a beautiful place with about 900 Rama people, a church, a clinic, a high school and an elementary school.  Hmm... Why don't you just go to ramacay.com to see some pictures.  It is quite rustic, with outhouses on the piers and open wells. So when Hubby compares Bankukut to Rama Cay that way, I think of it like comparing camping at a campground and backpacking in the wilderness.




ramacay.com

Spoiled by God and Others!

Yesterday was so wonderful!

Hubby returned to Rama Cay from tiny villages outside of cell range.  It was so hard to wait for the first text message after days of wondering if all was well.  But God protected him.  It wasn't the safest thing to do, to take a dugout canoe with a motor on the Caribbean, during hurricane season, to places where there aren't police, where it takes a long time to get to medical care... But really, the safest place is where you are in the midst of God's will.

Hubby went as far as Cane Creek, met several of his friends' relatives who live up the creek, preached in a schoolhouse in Bankukut, visited from house to house, prayed with the oldest Rama couple and gave them his solar flashlight.  They are working with many plans, including Rama brand chocolate.  The Rama know all about growing and processing chocolate.  The Rama prefer to speak English, which is nice for Hubby!  He said it was such a beautiful place with nice beaches and rocks.  Today the group visits the clinic on Rama Cay and the Torsuany River.  Tomorrow he goes to Bluefields to meet with people at the university and buy a few things. MTW he plans to teach at the university.  He spoke to a high school physics class on Rama Cay. One of their group from Managua didn't go on the Caribbean but stayed at Rama Cay, taught on Sunday at the Moravian church and spent time with the pastor.

Oh, but back to yesterday.  Not only did I hear from my hubby, but one of my friends spoiled me with a spa evening at Burke Williams and got a wonderful massage!  Now, those that know me are probably shocked.  It isn't something I'd ever done before, but it was so wonderful!  The timing was perfect also.  My friend had planned this months ago, but we were both so busy.  Finally, just a few days before she was to move across country, we went.  She's been working hard on moving; I've been working hard with Hubby away for three weeks and kids that need more attention.  Then afterwords we went to a bakery and had tea and pastries. Lovely!  I was so spoiled!

I am so thankful to God, people who've prayed for us and Hubby, my family, and for my friend's thoughtful gift!


Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Waiting for the Bridegroom

This last little bit of waiting for Hubby to return to cell service is the hardest.  He is in a remote part of Nicaragua, traveling on a little boat to villages on the Caribbean.  So many times we have to wait for things in life, a new baby, plants to grow, children to mature, seeing loved ones who are far away, weddings, Christmas, seeing God face to face...

Waiting is so difficult.

But it is so worth it in the end.  So many times I wonder why God makes it so we have to wait for just about everything.  He could arrange life it so we are rewarded immediately.  But He doesn't.  Maybe He likes to see our face when we finally receive the gift He is giving us, just like we enjoy seeing the faces of children on Christmas morning.  Maybe He knows we would appreciate His gifts and others around us if we have more time to anticipate the reward.  Maybe waiting helps us grow in ways we wouldn't have otherwise.  I don't know...

But what I do know, is that I don't feel very patient.  I can't wait to hear Hubby's voice.  I can't wait to see God face to face.  And I want to learn to enjoy anticipation, waiting, and yearning.

Monday, August 8, 2011

Prayer

Today I had three neighbors who said they would pray for our family.  It didn't hit me until this evening that they weren't people who attend our church.  They are neighbors.  I have prayed for them when they were going through difficult times, and now it's their turn to pray for me.  I can't begin to describe my deep appreciation for all who have prayed and who have been concerned for us.  The kids are going through a pretty big adjustment with the new contact with their birth family, with their different culture, values, and structure.  Hubby is off in Nicaragua and we can't have cell phone contact until at least Wednesday morning, when he is scheduled to return to Rama Cay from Bankukut and Monkey Point. Even Rama Cay has spotty cell service and contact will only be by texting.  I kind of feel like those in the old Apollo missions, when the astronauts were on the far side of the moon and there was no radio contact for a while. There is a time of waiting for a signal, when you hope that they will emerge from the other side. But God is showing me through these short encounters with my neighbors that I am not alone.  He is here.  He is giving me others who care. It's like He's giving me a big hug, reassuring me, and letting me know He'll take care of us.

 Ahhh....

Today's Harvest

Today I harvested three eggs, a little over a cup of blackberries, two bunches of scallions, and five small to medium sized apples.

My Favorite Quilting Store is Having a Contest

My favorite quilting store, 1choice4quilting.com is having a fabric giveaway contest.  Just go to their site, check out the cute fabrics, and then go to the blog to go to the contest.


The Little Stuff

  I can either choose to build up hurt in my heart over the actions of others, or I can allow God to sort things out and let it go...


That's what I wrote on my Facebook page this morning.  After a night of trying to go over and over in my head the actions and words of someone who hurt me, and feeling disappointed and let down, I have decided to not sweat the small stuff.  It's just too hard on my body, mind, and spirit.
  
I choose to forgive and let go.


I choose to enjoy washing dishes by hand and try to fix the broken dishwasher myself rather than fume over what else I'd rather be doing.


I choose to enjoy spending time with the kids despite their RAD, PTSD, and FASD behaviors.  And I choose to extend grace to them, knowing they are going through a difficult time.  


I choose to work steadily and slowly, organizing the house before the school year starts next week, rather than to be overwhelmed by the amount of work left to do.


I choose to trust that God is taking care of Hubby, even in a remote part of Nicaragua where there isn't cell coverage.  I choose to not worry about Hubby riding in dugout canoes with motors on the open Caribbean Sea during hurricane season.  I choose to dwell on what good things he has done so far in Nicaragua, and not dwell on missing him or worrying about him.


I choose to take a step back...Breathe...Enjoy life...Enjoy creation...Enjoy family...Enjoy others...Enjoy God.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Back from Oregon

While Hubby went to Nicaragua, some of the rest of the family decided to visit relatives for a week in Oregon.  We had a great time with the grandparents, sightseeing, berry picking, and a little shopping.  The older girls took care of three houses during the time we were gone.  Ours was the most difficult, since my silkworms have been ravenous and we have so many other animals and plants.  One of the little kids was having a difficult time with all the changes, plus knowing that Daddy was in a foreign country, so he had a few meltdowns or just was crabby a lot.  Grandbaby was teething and had a hard time sleeping. We went in two cars, the one with the baby mostly traveling by night and arriving at 3 am last night, the one I was in travelled during the day and arrived last evening after 12 hours of driving. Because of this, waking at midnight because of a dysregulated kid, and having a ton of work to do today to get things under control, I'm pretty wiped out this afternoon.  Maybe I can sneak in a nap while Mr. I is with a friend.  I'll write more when I'm halfway with it mentally.