Monday, August 15, 2011

Parenting Turned Upside Down

I've been thinking about how differently I parent my kids with FASD with touches of leftover RAD and PTSD.  It is so different than how I parented my biological children.  On the outside, it doesn't look like I'm doing a good job.  Some think I'm too protective and don't give the children enough opportunities to spread their wings.  Others think I let them get by with too much.  That they are too disrespectful, too wild and out of control.  The reality is that parenting kid like this was affected before I even knew them, before they were even born.  And that was out of my control!  I like to have things pleasant, calm, and happy.  But with kids who were traumatized inside and out of the womb, pleasant, calm, and happy aren't their reality much of the time.  If they feel stressed, for any reason, they can't get to that place.  My son, even at 11, will scream and be rude if he is the least bit hungry.  He can't wait ten minutes until the food is put on the table. He is like an infant in some ways.  My daughter is a hormone machine and is drawn to boys and men.  We've had to chase off twenty something year olds when she was eleven.  The odds of either or both of them to have a good life, free from abuse, jail time, early pregnancy, mental illness, etc. are stacked against them. http://www.faslink.org/fasmain.htm  Another mom writes a blog, http://urbanservant.blogspot.com/.  It has helped me to know that I'm not alone.  There are rocky times. I can change some outcomes for the kids, but there are limitations.  Limitations in the kids.  Limitations in me.  I'm not perfect.  I make mistakes... a lot of mistakes.  But God ordained that I raise these children that I love with all my heart. And even when I have to make decisions that are contrary to what I would have done with the older children, I'm doing the best I can to give the kids a chance.  I haven't given up hope that they could lead a good life as adults, despite the hurdles set before them.  Some things are out of my control, but all things are in God's control.  And realizing that is a good place to be.

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