Monday, January 9, 2012

21 Days

21 days.

That's how long it took for Birthmom to answer the calls and texts. She missed Christmas with the kids. She missed a New Year. The silence was really hurting Ms. D. So I texted Birthmom yesterday and told her we are praying for her. She finally called back! It's about time!

Of course, she is in the midst of moving. The landlord gave her a little extra time, yet she still hasn't found a place to go yet. So yesterday the birth family was moving things into storage. A big part of me wants to help, but when she called last night Hubby was in bed, resting from putting in the microwave. Physically he couldn't help anyone move, even Photography son who moved this weekend didn't get our help. And it would take a direct word from God to get me to go to that neighborhood after dark, especially without Hubby with me. So I listened to her and then just passed the phone to the kids so they could talk. I don't have the van during the day because Microbio Daughter needs it to get to work until her car is fixed. So I didn't offer to help them move today, even though they have to be out by this evening.

I feel kind of torn. Part of me wants to help, but without being able to plan ahead and because of the health and car problems we've had, it just isn't possible. I go back and forth between compassion and feeling annoyed that she just lets things slide until there is a crisis. I guess that's how I feel a lot of times with our relationship. I feel sorry for her that she lost her kids, yet other times I feel anger because of what she did to harm them, both before and after their birth. And as we get to know her again, this back and forth stuff keeps happening. I want to protect the kids, yet I want to show God's love to the birth family.

I really need a lot of wisdom in all of this, because it's just too hard to figure out myself.


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