Today was Ms. D's therapy appointment with Dr. A. First, I went in and talked, and then it was Ms. D's turn. One of the things I needed to do was to observe Ms. D's interaction with peers. Well, until last night, when she went to a basketball game with a couple of friends, she hadn't been with friends in two weeks. One friend was grounded, another was gone for the Holidays, one who lives in the next town was busy, and ,of course, Ms. D was angry with a number of others. We couldn't even go to our homeschool park day because we didn't have a car. I was pretty worried that I'd have nothing to tell Dr. A. But last night I was finally able to see that Ms. D talked about the same as the other girl and seemed to interact pretty equally. Of course, Ms. D also sees her friends as being all black or white. When she's in friend mode she loves them, when she's angry with them she doesn't want to see or talk to them or about them. Sometimes the anger or not talking sticks, other times I suddenly see her doing things with a girl she couldn't stand the day before. It's been hard for her to learn that people can sometimes do something that angers you, but you still can be polite.
Then Dr. A said something that didn't hit me at first, but is hitting me more as the day goes on. She said they have to finish the cognitive testing, but so far it looks like if Ms. D was still in school and was tested, she would qualify for an IEP due to IQ and probably wouldn't be in a regular classroom. Now, I've known Ms. D has FAS. I've known that she struggled in school. I know her weaknesses in learning, in remembering, and in thinking logically, because I help her with her school work every day. But to hear the confirmation was a bit shocking. Now I keep thinking things can change because Ms. D might have had a bad day last time and may do better Friday when she gets more testing, though deep down I suppose this is just hopeful thinking.
I was a bit shocked, though I shouldn't be.
So now I wonder if I should have pressed to get her tested when Ms. D was still in public school. I knew that kids with FASD often seem to understand more than they really do. I knew she had a difficult time in school and we had meetings with the teachers, psychologist, principal, and resource teacher, but they all discouraged doing anything other than work with the teacher until she was more than a year behind in schoolwork. Though on the other hand, if I had done the formal writing a request forcing them to test her and they found something, would she have been put in the special ed classroom? And what would that have done to her? Somehow, homeschooling her seems more humane. Lots of kids are homeschooled for many different reasons. But am I doing a good enough job? I think so, but how can I be sure she's learning as best she can? So I'm thinking of what I should do now to help her do well as an adult. I could sign her up with a private homeschool program for kids with special needs. I almost did that when I first homeschooled the kids. Maybe now it would be more important. And what about the regional center? I have no idea what they would do, but the question of whether she is getting services through the regional center pops up whenever we renew the adoption assistance. Would it be good to contact them now so that she can have services if she needs them when she is an adult?
So all these kind of things are swirling in my head, which are now added to my concerns about Hubby's surgery next week and a few other things going on. In a way, I'm grieving. So I think it's a good idea to stop worrying and start giving some of this to God. It's too much for me to handle alone.