I have a girl that's pretty angry at me, but I needed to stop a behavior. Because of her FASD, she doesn't understand appropriate boundaries sometimes. She doesn't understand what she is communicating nonverbally. This time was harder, because it involved the birth family. With Birthbrother here, she's swinging back and forth in loyalty and affection, which is understandable. It's hard to guide someone who thinks concretely, but is dealing with issues that require a higher, logical part of the brain that just isn't working as well as it should. I tried to stop the behavior subtly and in a light hearted way, but she thought she knew better and continued. So I had to take her aside and give her concrete reasons why she needed to stop. One of the reasons was that she needed to obey, even if she doesn't understand, because I told her to not do something. It was something that she needs to learn to stay safe throughout her life. Afterwards she went to the bathroom and cried, hardly talked to me, did not look in my eyes, and flinched when I tried to touch her to pray for her before bed. I am a mean mom. But it did stop the behavior.
Sometimes I have to put on the mean mom hat, even when I don't think it fits very well.