Sunday, April 15, 2012

Can We Get Any More Dramatic?

Today we had church at our house. While people were coming in, Mr. I decided to take revenge on a twenty something year old drugged out neighbor who pushed him a few weeks ago. So he went to the kitchen, took some eggs, and lobbed the eggs at the back of the guy's house while jumping on the trampoline. The guy's parents came over and started yelling at Hubby about the kids. Mr. I denied doing it, of course, but there were eggs missing in the refrigerator. Mr. I escalated and started yelling at Hubby, which might be a first. He almost always saved his rages for when he was alone with me and Ms. D. When Hubby grabbed Mr. I's shoulder to get his attention, Ms. D, who was keeping her eye on the situation, completely freaked out. Most sisters would secretly be glad their brother was getting in trouble, but Ms. D really over reacted. She started shouting, slamming doors, throwing up, and then passing out in the bathroom and pseudo seizing. All of this happened while we had about a dozen people here for a church meeting, including another neighbor. I guess now the people in the church know first hand what I mean when I tell them my kids rage, seize, or freak out.

When I saw Ms. D passed out in the bathroom, I picked her up and took her to a lady who was sitting in the family room. I asked her to pray for Ms. D. My friend is a therapist who I knew would understand and not be frightened by her shaking, and I was in still shock from everything that was happening. I also needed to comfort Mr. I, who was calming down and feeling really bad about causing such drama. He's usually pretty disturbed when she seizes, and this time his actions started the whole thing. I'm so glad people prayed in the other room while everything was happening. She shook for quite a while, about half an hour. Finally, Mr. I confessed to Hubby and they hugged and reconciled. He then went to Ms. D, told her he was fine, and comforted her. When she came to, Ms. D and Mr. I were kind and loving to each other, to Hubby and I, and to the rest of the people here.

I'm still a bit frazzled and shaky, so I think it would be good to think on the good that came out of this.

1. Mr. I learned that taking revenge isn't the best way to handle injustice and his anger.
2. He should talk to us if something like this happens again. He was afraid that if he told us that the guy pushed him and we confronted the guy, we would cause him to take it out on Mr. I in some way. Mr. I was really afraid the guy and his friends would jump him. And egging the guy's house and angering the parents wouldn't do that?
3. The people in the church understand a little better what we have to deal with. I'm not exaggerating. I'm not making things up. They got to see what Ms. D's seizures are like and their effect on Mr. I. We aren't perfect. Hubby also understands what it's like when Mr. I rages.
4. Fortunately, Mr. I's rages aren't frequent. But we've had two in one week, which is a cause for concern.
5. Ms. D's pseudo seizures are less frequent, and I can add another trigger to the list.
6. I didn't have to deal with this situation alone. I had my friend there to help me with Ms. D while I was trying to help Mr. I. She also understood that Ms. D wasn't just reacting to what happened tonight, but she was reacting to what happened when she was little. Other people encouraged Mr. I after he confessed.
7. Hubby really did a good job of reconciling with Mr. I.  I didn't realize until now how frightening it was for Hubby to see Mr. I rage. Hubby understands.
8.My kids feel loved, not rejected. The kids seem to be even better attached after this situation, rather than cutting us off. We had lots of hugging time this evening after people calmed down.
9. My church friends know better how to pray for us.
10. Hubby finally got to meet the guy's parents. This isn't the first time we've had problems with the guy, he tried to pick up on Ms. D when she was 11, but it will be good to have an excuse to get to know them better. I won't have the kids interact with them, given the guy's behavior toward Ms. D and his history of supplying the neighborhood kids with drugs, but maybe Hubby can take them some cookies or something and let them know we talked to Mr. I and he won't egg their house again. Sometimes these crazy situations turn out good. It may not, but we can try.
11. Mr. I and Ms. D did a clapping game after the drama. It's interesting how they, without prompting, did an attachment exercise. I think it helped them to get their bearings in some way.
12. I really, really, need God to get me through these next few years. And God is big enough to handle it.

1 comment:

  1. Wow. Way to hang in and value relationship, in all its complexity.