Friday, April 13, 2012

Sometimes They Surprise Me

Sometimes my kids surprise me.

I think they are doing well, and they come up with odd behaviors and regress. Then when I think they aren't doing well, they surprise me with maturity.

Mr. I had a really hard time the other day when he was anticipating a science night at Hubby's work. I can't tell you how exhausted I was after a day of rages and dysregulation. Maybe that lady on Obama's team who criticized stay at home mothers should spend a day or two in my shoes. I don't think anyone would be able to pay her enough to do what I do for no pay! But back to the topic. Mr. I had a really hard time with a changed schedule and a relatively unknown event.

Last night I let him stay over night at a friend's house again. This friend is pretty calm and laid back, and they both do better together than when they are apart. But I was pretty worried when about midnight a thunderstorm came by. I prayed that the electricity wouldn't go out, since that is one of the triggers that has caused fear and dysregulation for both of the kids in the past. My older kids always thought it was pretty fun to light candles and bring out the flashlights. But the electricity was turned off for at least a few days before the little ones were taken from their birth family, so it makes sense that it would be a trigger for fear. Fortunately, we didn't lose power, but I thought that I'd get a call from Mr. I because of the thunder. The kids aren't used to thunder here in California. But he didn't! He stayed at his friend's all night and told me he thought the storm wasn't that bad. Whew!

Then tonight, Hubby and Microbio Daughter went to Stanford to see Heidi Baker, a missionary from Mozambique. My kids have seen a video of her ministry to the orphans and poor. I kind of wanted to go, but I thought the kids would have a hard time and I didn't have the energy for two days of dysregulation in one week. I have no idea how I handled it when the kids first came and there were rages or odd behaviors every few minutes. Those kind of days wipe me out now! I'm glad the kids have healed as much as they have and those times are rare. Maybe it's harder to handle because we have so many good days. Maybe it's because I'm a bit older!

When Mr. I came home from playing with friends tonight, he asked where Hubby was. I told him that Hubby was with Microbio Daughter to see Heidi Baker, and Mr. I asked, "Is she the one with all those kids? I want to go see her too." Unfortunately, the meeting had already started, but I am so impressed that Mr. I would want to see a missionary so badly. Maybe it's because, in the video, he saw her love for kids without parents, and he relates to those kids in some way. Maybe it's because Mr. I really has a lot of compassion, just like Ms. D and others in the birth family. Sometimes I like to remind the kids of the good things they inherited from the birth family, and the love and compassion they have for others is easy to spot. That compassion is just a bit buried by the hard lives the family has gone through. But it's there. And I try to encourage that in the kids and build up their birth mom by reminding her of that compassion.

When one of the kids is having a good day, sometimes the other one surprises me with something not so good. Today, when Photography son was here, Ms. D got a call from her older brother's girlfriend. She wanted Ms. D to come over to her place and hang out. Fortunately, Hubby told Ms. D no, because we don't know her family very well. She could come here, but Ms. D couldn't go there.  Ms. D was a bit disappointed, but that's OK. We need to keep her safe and only let them be with the birth family when we are with them.

So because of Ms. D, I'm glad I chose to stay home tonight. A quiet night watching The Voice with her seemed to cheer her up. Sometimes I can head off bad surprises by keeping things calm and peaceful. Other times they are totally unexpected, and it takes a bit for me to get over my shock and realize what just happened! One thing is good though. God is not surprised by anything my kids do!

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