Saturday, May 12, 2012

Birth Family Drama

Today we got a call from Birthdad saying that the kids' eighteen year old brother was moving to Arizona today as we were on our way to the horse class. Ms. D was devastated and cried and talked to Birthdad as we drove the twenty minutes to the farm. The kids were already on edge because I had them wear "ugly" boots so they wouldn't get their feet dirty around the horses, and Hubby told the kids that they had to go to us to the healing conference tonight. Oh, and they both slept overnight at friends' houses and were sleep deprived. This wasn't the best time to hear news of another loss. Of course, the birth family didn't know what was going on here, and we didn't know what was going on there, so we couldn't lessen the blow. Ms. D has been refusing to speak to Birthmom, because she threw the brother out of the house. Ms. D also has felt rejected by Birthmom because Birthmom has been pretty evasive on her part too. It's really hard for me to know what is going on in that house because of all the secrecy. Ms. D finds out things, but she isn't able to understand that the birth family has problems, lots of them. I tell her not to take things personally, but of course she still does. Each incident, like finding out that her birth brother was on the plane and she wasn't able to say goodbye, just adds to her feeling of rejection. She doesn't like to talk about it, and all I can do is hold her as she cries and muddle as best I can to help her.

We had to leave early from the horse class. Ms. D pulled it together enough to start the class, but then both kids refused to read. Because the teacher didn't know what was going on and was treating it more like a rebellious issue rather than a grieving one, I started to say that they just heard some hard news from the birth family. The kids burst into tears and Mr. I stormed out to the car, so the teacher suggested we leave for the day and come back early next time. So the ride home was hard. The kids were angry at me because they felt they were doing fine until I said something. They obviously weren't. Mr. I was worried that Hubby would be angry that we came home early, which he wasn't after hearing about the birth family drama. I am so anxious and am feeling so inadequate about this whole thing. Fortunately, Ms. D is talking on the phone to the birth family and I am starting to hear a little laughter instead of crying. I wish I knew all of what is going on. I don't know if I ever will.  Not being able to shield the kids from so much hurt is hard for me. God is going to have to protect their hearts. And I need to let God do His work. This is too big for me to handle alone.

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