Sunday, May 13, 2012

The Dreaded Mother's Day

Yes, today is the big day. Mother's Day. It's the day when mothers are honored, taken out for lunch, and families get together. There are many beautiful traditions that people do which show their appreciation for the one who brought them to the world and raised them.

Mothers Day. It's also the day when childless women stay home from church so they don't have to stay seated as other women, even teen moms, are being honored for popping out a kid. It's the day when people who lost their moms mourn. It's the day when sons run to the store to grab some flowers, any flowers, so that they don't have to hear all the grief for not doing something nice for their mom on Mother's Day. It's a day when my kids' birth mom, and so many other birth moms out there are mourning the loss of their children.

It's also the day when kids who have been adopted from hard places act out. It's understandable. Most holidays are filled with dysregulation anyway. But Mother's Day also reminds them they aren't living with the mom who bore them. They are now living with someone who was a stranger, who looks different than they do, who took the place of their birth mom. Even if they love their adoptive mom, there is still a lot of loss mixed in. And it's hard, really hard to sort through these feelings. If there is a lot of change to the routine, a focus on someone else, and a celebration, those hard feelings are even more difficult to process. Mother's Day is traditionally filled with all the ingredients for the kids to act out. And they typically do.

I don't know what my kids have planned for today. I'd rather have things low key, because most of all, I want no tears, no meltdowns, and no rages on Mother's Day. I also realize that this is a big thing to hope for, especially after yesterday, when the kids were dysregulated from the birth family phone call until they fell asleep in the evening. If it wasn't for Microbio daughter stepping in to help with Ms. D, I don't think I could have made it. I'm still a bit anxious and worn out. That could be why I'm facing this day with so much trepidation.

But so far things are going well, and the morning is almost over. Ms D, her friend, and Microbio Daughter just came in with some flowers. Aren't they pretty?


There hasn't been any meltdowns so far. Maybe I'm dreading Mother's Day for no reason. I'll let you know how it goes.

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