Thursday, July 26, 2012

Attitude Adjustment

I don't know how people handle chronic pain on a long term basis. Pain puts me on edge, even with my pretty high pain tolerance. This evening I still hurt from tweaking my back yesterday from hauling all that food, and it has been affecting my attitude about situations around me.

I have less tolerance and patience for kid things. I sent Hubby out to check on Ms. D after Mr. I told us she didn't go to a friend's house like she said, but was seen wandering around the stores in our neighborhood. Hubby found her and her friend talking to a couple of male workers outside a sushi place. I'm glad Hubby took care of things. It would not have been pretty if I was there!

I took a walk with a friend, hoping I'd work out the kinks in my back. I don't think I was as encouraging while we talked, and I was pretty critical about things at home. I was definitely not looking on the bright side of life. I was pretty grumpy. I don't know if walking three miles helped or hurt, but I was hurting pretty badly by the time I came home. And when Mr. I came home with a scratched eye and wanted to spend the night at a neighbor's house that I don't trust much, I was pretty done with kid problems. Mr. I decided he really didn't want to go to that neighbor's house anyway. I was happy he listened to me and didn't try to tell his big sister that I said he could go. In a way, I think he was just trying to push some buttons because he was hurting and I was hurting too. There's nothing like a sick or hurt mother to bring out the worst in a kid with past trauma.  It's one of the most unsettling things for them, that and a power outage, and sirens, and the dark, and a big hole in the wall from accessing a leaky pipe...Well, you get the idea. A lot of things throw them off, including the fear of an incapacitated mother, which makes perfect sense considering their past.

After all this, I realized I needed to spend a bit of time alone with Hubby. I needed to talk and hear his perspective, since mine was becoming pretty clouded. We had to take a car in to get repaired and smogged, so I asked him to help me drop the car off at our neighbor's shop about a half hour away. I was still in pain, but after popping an ibuprofen and spending a half hour in the car with hubby, I'm not as negative. It wasn't exactly a real date, but it was so good to spend some time talking without the kids listening in. I am so thankful for such a good husband for me, one that can see things objectively when I am so emotional. And though I still hurt, I have had an attitude adjustment.

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