Thursday, August 30, 2012

Finally Signed Ms. D Up

I finally signed Ms. D up today for a PSP, or a private home study program, that specializes in special needs students.

I had been avoiding doing this for weeks and months. Oh, I made nice little excuses, like needing more money, or putting the IQ test results in a "safe place", only to forget where that place was. But if I were to be honest, I was procrastinating. While I was filling out the forms today, I was shaking like a leaf, and my eyes started watering after I slid the packet into the mail slot at the post office. It seems kind of silly, but maybe I was having, like another adoptive mom described when she got a phone call from her child's school, a "PTSD moment." I don't have an official diagnosis, but it would make sense. I've gone through some pretty traumatic stuff with fostering and adopting, and I get triggered by things like home inspections, paperwork, and dealing with school and government officials. First I avoid these things, then when I have to face them I'm a nervous wreck for a bit.

But I did overcome my anxiety and sent that packet out today. I was able to pull myself together while the kids were around, and only fell apart when I was alone in the car. I went to Wally World to pick up a few things after mailing the packet out so that I could be in a better state when the kids saw me. Hopefully, I'll be better able to sleep tonight.

My grandson is almost here to spend the evening, so I'll be able to enjoy him and think of something more positive. I can't wait until he comes over!

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