Sunday, September 2, 2012

Difficult Day

It has been a difficult 24 hours.

It's not because of anything big, just little things that have been piling up.

Things like a migraine that has been crouching at my door since yesterday afternoon. Add to it not getting enough sleep because of Mr. I having a friend overnight who came late and my habit of waking at 5:00 am even though I went to sleep at midnight.

And trying to keep up with laundry, the housework, the puppy work, the van that still has a window that has fallen off it's track. And not having quite enough money to get the van window fixed because I had to pay the fees for Ms. D's school. Of course, I am thankful that we live in a neighborhood that nothing has happened so far to the van with a window wide open for over a week.

And trying to figure out yesterday afternoon how much money Hubby has in the separate account, only to find that his account had a negative number. And because Hubby is in Rama Cay, Nicaragua, he couldn't figure out why. It probably was because a check he had deposited for some extra work he did had something wrong with it. But we won't know until Hubby comes home because he can't remember his passwords because he's had a lack of sleep himself. In the meantime, the bank fees added up at a time when Hubby needed some extra money for his trip and we had counted on that extra work money as a buffer. It isn't at a critical point, since Microbio Daughter and I were able to put some money in to cover some expenses, but it's such a waste to have to pay so many bank fees.

And Hubby texted me some things that pointed out how dangerous his trip has been. Things I can't tell Ms. D and Mr. I but still affect my emotions. Things like Hubby saw large cat tracks in the jungle they were walking through. Maybe a jaguar? That only the men went to the chocolate farm near Cane Creek, in groups with machetes and guns, because there was still a danger of ambush in the place that Jimmy was murdered on his farm a few months ago. That the storm they were in had a waterspout, that they had to hunker down in the boat and hang on when the squall line came, and that a woman from the US had died just the week before while she was is in a similar boat crossing the same bar entering the bay from the ocean. That Hubby's water filter broke and they were drinking straight out of an open well on the island, and his partner on the trip was already sick and needed the medication Hubby bought. That they had a lot of mosquito bites this time. All of these things worry me, even though I heard about them after the fact and things have pretty well worked out so far.

Another thing that has been piling up has been the kids' behaviors while Hubby has been gone. It was harder for Mr. I the first week, but now that he is doing better, it's Ms. D's turn to act out. She argued with me by text last night while I was at church and she was home with the puppy because she wanted a second sleepover in a row. She would not take no for an answer, and blamed her tiredness not on her staying up late watching movies with her friend, but on the puppy. And because she was asleep when I came home and she woke up in a surly mood, we couldn't deal with her attitude in a good manner. I woke her up 45 minutes before I needed to drop her off,  and she grumbled when I asked her to do her job to take care of the neighbor dogs, snapped at her brother because she thought he was being too bossy, pushed the puppy away and wouldn't have anything to do with him, and sassed at me when I told her it was time to go. She said I sounded like I was talking to a four year old. I was just talking to the dog that way, and trying to be pleasant to her. So I snapped and said yelled things I shouldn't have on the way to taking her to church, which didn't solve anything, but just made her feel like she is justified in feeling the way she does. She could not see that her actions, words, and attitudes were bad for everyone around her, including the puppy. She was feeling tied down with the puppy, even though the rest of the family and I have done the majority of the care and training the past week. When she came home from church with her sister, she was still angry with me. I should have gently spoken to her, but instead I took a nap because I realized I couldn't handle the drama with a migraine and lack of sleep. But when I woke up, she was out with a friend. She told my older girls where she went, and I had given permission for her to go yesterday when she asked, but I worry that she will do something really stupid in her anger. When I talked to her on the phone, I told her I loved her, but she just grunted.

So now I'm sitting at home, still fighting the migraine, still worried, and still regretting the way I have handled Ms. D. But I have to remember Psalm 107 that I read to the kids the other day, which they probably were trying to ignore in their opposition to me trying to teach them. In the psalm people have problems, some even of their own making, yet when they call on God, he answers and delivers them. I'm so thankful for God's grace. We sure need a lot of that grace right now.

No comments:

Post a Comment