Thursday, November 15, 2012

One of Those Days...

Today was one of those days...

...That the kids were a bit dysregulated and Ms. D woke up with a stiff neck. She didn't have any other symptoms, so I wasn't concerned, but she told me she thought she was going to die. Do I detect a little drama girl behavior? Maybe! Mr. I was alternately clingy and standoffish, jumped on furniture, sassed, and did everything to push my buttons because he "was bored." Bored? Really? He was too overstimulated and emotionally on edge because of the birth dad visit and Ms. D's sore neck. It didn't help that I was out of it too.

...That I didn't have much motivation to get much done today. I was recovering from a migraine. One of my friends found out her stage four cancer has spread and become worse. Another friend has hemorrhagic dengue fever, the worst kind, and he's traveling all day and night to get to a good doctor and clinic in Honduras. And someone close to me is struggling financially, but is pushing me away because I don't understand. That hurts, because I really care for them, yet somehow I don't come across well in their eyes. Add to that unrest in the Middle East, hurting or crazy kid behaviors, and the usual worries and concerns I carry around, and I became a bit down. For most of these things all I can do is pray, which drives me nuts. Of course God can handle these things a lot better than I can, but I still try to carry part of the load.

...That there were interruptions and changes to my schedule. There was the usual interruptions that only a mom of a toddler can understand. My kids just don't outgrow their need to see me pop up and down all day. I really should be losing weight through all this. It must be the chocolate I've been popping into my mouth every time I get all stressed out. There was also a mix up somewhere in the guide dog meeting time, and so I had to bring Ms. D and Brewster instead of Jim. Brewster did well, but we had to drive a ways in rush hour traffic, pick up a Bible for Birth Dad, and get some pizza on the way home, since I wasn't able to cook before Hubby and the kids went to visit Birth Dad. Unfortunately, despite our rushing around, Birth Dad was gone by the time they came. But I heard he was not leaving the state tonight, which I think made the kids feel a bit better. I was planning on getting a few things done at home and relax while they were gone, but Black Belt Daughter called with a car problem. I hope it doesn't cost too much to fix. I ended up waiting for her to finish teaching a taekwando class and got home after Hubby and the kids, which made the kids all the more uneasy.

...That I am learning I can't be all things to all people, I can't take away all hurts, I can't have everything around me perfect, and I can't be as good of parent I'd like to be, yet I am still perfectly loved by God.

...That I am learning to pray and then release people into God's hands. That I can't even carry my own burdens, so I can't expect myself to carry other people's burdens too.

...That  worrying about things doesn't help. I know this in my head, but it's a big jump from the head to the heart.

...That God really is in control, no matter how bad things look.

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