Friday, January 25, 2013

Blessings That Don't Seem Like Blessings

I'm still recovering from the excitement the other night when Ms. D had her little interaction with the police. Well, I'm recovering from that, a cold that seems worse the forth day, and a whirlwind of cleaning for an appraisal this morning for a refi. I haven't had much of a chance to slow down until this afternoon, to think about the past few days and what plans to make to keep Ms. D safe.

I'm finding more details about Ms. D's midnight encounter. Ms. D is talking about it, which is good. Very good. I'm glad she is talking and not internalizing the experience. She had been crouching behind the van when she was spotted by the police. She showed me how she got up, and I'm not surprised that the officer not only drew out his gun, but cocked it. So scary! She also didn't follow their directions very well, struggled, and gave them bad looks. I understand those looks to be looks of fear, but to others, she looks stubborn, angry, and tough. That's why it's so hard for her to make friends. I understand her difficulty in following directions and giving wrong answers, like her year of birth, as her lower IQ and FAS. She just can't think when stressed. But the police didn't know that. They treated her like a little gang banger up to no good, though she really was a silly, intellectually challenged, teenaged girl that gave in to peer pressure.

There are some things that I'll need more wisdom than I have to help both of our kids, and even the neighbor girl. Of course, the other girl denies any involvement. I'll have to talk to her later, with Ms. D present, about the severity of what happened, owning up to our wrongs, and how to keep the girls safe.

Another thing that concerns me is that Ms. D and Mr. I are even more afraid of the police now. We went by the jail today, the same jail that their oldest brother is incarcerated, in order to help one of my older daughters get her fingerprints to work in schools. Both of the younger kids became dysregulated after seeing so many police. No matter how much I tell them that the police are there to keep us safe, they see the police as mean and scary. In a way, a little fear might keep the kids on the straight and narrow, but they have too much fear. It doesn't help that the birth family didn't like police and made their views known. So the attitude about police runs deeper than in most families. It also includes their relationship to the birth family, adoption, loyalty, who they are as people, and the trauma of being taken away from their birth parents and whatever else they experienced as little kids. My kids did play getting arrested, and Ms. D wanted to grow up to be a police dog, when they were preschoolers. Is all this bringing up traumatic memories from before they came to our house? Probably...Why else would Ms. D struggle and kick to stay out of the back of the squad car?

But through all this, I have to remember that the event the other night was really a blessing. It doesn't seem like a blessing at first, especially to Ms. D who prayed that she wouldn't be caught. Yet, the police kept Ms. D from perhaps a greater danger. Even if she got away with running about at midnight the other night, there could be something in the future that would be even more dangerous.  It is less likely that she will sneak out at night again. It is giving us an opportunity to talk about safety. It is giving Hubby and I an opening to show God's love and protection to kids that don't see it. Ms. D is learning to talk about her fears. And I am in awe that even when I'm not there to keep my kids safe, God is.

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