Yesterday I went to a women's worship night. It was good to get away from the house and worship, even though I couldn't quite focus as well as I would have hoped. But there is blessing in the Christian disciplines, like prayer, meditation, giving, and worship, no matter how a person may feel.
At the end there was a time to receive prayer, and I took part in it, not as an intercessor, but as a receiver. I usually am on the giving side, and am pleasantly surprised to see people blessed, even when I feel so empty myself. But this time it was good to receive. And one thing stuck with me. She said she saw me and my family under the cover of God's wings, even when I didn't see it.
So today I've been meditating about being under the cover of God's wings. There are psalms that talk of it. There are songs written about it. And I can see God's protection over our family.
I've thought about how God protected my kids from the abuse at a church we attended when we first came down to California. I'm still recovering, probably because I've been so busy with the younger children and haven't taken the time to process and heal from the experience. I remember praying that my older kids would not turn against God because of the church. And now I see how well they are doing and see God's protection of their hearts.
Today, I thought about a major life change coming up, and how it would affect the younger kids. As I'm tempted to worry, I'm remembering that we are under the shadow of God's wings. When I worry about finances, I see how we have been protected through layoffs, illnesses, car breakdowns, and unforeseen college expenses.
Today we learned about David dancing before the ark of the Lord, and how his wife made fun of him. I tried to teach the younger kids about how it's good to worship God with all your heart and to let others worship without ridicule. And when the kids said they never worship God and they think some people do look weird, and the fear for their relationship with God started to creep into me, I told myself we are under the shadow of His wings.
When I worry for the safety of the kids, and their choices in friends, clothing, and their relationship with the birth family, I tell myself, we are under the shadow of His wings. I remind myself that Ms. D couldn't get out of our driveway on a midnight outing with a friend without the police finding her and keeping her safe.
It is easy to see God's protection when things go right, when we miss having an accident by inches, when the tax refund comes back in time, when we quickly get a job, or when a surgery goes well. But God's protection is there even when things don't seem to work out the way we want. His covering was there when we went to the abusive church, when the cars broke down, when I was hungry as a child, and when my kids were in their mother's womb and were affected by drugs and alcohol. I don't know why bad things sometimes happen, but God is here in the good times and in the bad.
He has been with us in the past, so when I'm tempted to fear I should remember:
I am under the shadow of His wings.