Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Deception and Drama

Yesterday, just after the terrible bombing in Boston, we had our own drama.

Ms. D had a friend, that I'll call Ms. M, over. Even though Ms. M has been enabling Ms. D's boyfriend encounters, I have been hesitant to keep them apart. Ms. D doesn't have many friends. So I've just kept an eye on them, or made sure Ms. M's parents were with them at all times.

Ms. D handed me her iPod to look at a picture of Ms. M's baby brother. I told her, "He's so cute, let me look at more pictures!" I already knew that she had pictures of her older "boyfriend" on her iPod and wanted to see what he looked like. A "little bird" told me that she not only had pictures of Xander, but of his car and house, yes, the house that this "seventeen" year old lives without his parents.

As soon as she saw what I was doing, Ms. D grabbed the iPod away. She quickly retreated into the kitchen with Ms. M. I followed, though I wasn't as quick as they were, and asked to see the pictures. Ms. D then ignored me, went into her room, and started throwing clothes about that were piled on her bed. She told me that she "lost" her iPod in the pile of clothes. Right. She continued to make a mess of her room, which she later blamed on us. I told her that I couldn't figure out why she was looking in her room when she didn't go there until after I told her I wanted to see her iPod. So she wandered around the kitchen. Meanwhile, her friend "had to go to the bathroom". Right. Ms. M was in the bathroom for over ten minutes, as Ms. D "looked all over for her iPod".

Can you guess when Ms. D found it? Yes! After Ms. M came back through the bedroom, Ms. D found the iPod on her floor! Wow! How did that happen?

And then, when I finally was able to look at the pictures, there was not one of Xander. There were a lot of pictures of dogs, there were pictures of babies, there were a few pictures of inappropriate memes. There were even a few pictures of cute boys the girls had seen at restaurants. But there was not one picture of Xander! Even if the "little bird" didn't tell me about the photos, I would have assumed that a boy crazy girl would have at least one picture of the guy she made out with on the side of a busy street!

Ms. D was angry! Ms. D had a nice long seizure! Ms. D wanted us to know that she wasn't too happy about us messing her room, or that she has to live with such awful parents! We are the worst parents in the world, you must know. We don't understand. We are unreasonable. Xander is a nice guy, just like pit bulls, even the ones being bred as fighting dogs at the birth mom's house, are adorable and friendly. We make too much out of such a small thing. She just snuck around because she knew we wouldn't approve. It's her life! Ms. D can't wait until she can leave and move in with her birth dad when she is eighteen.

So Hubby called Birth Dad last night when Ms. D talked to Blackbelt Daughter about her woes of being in such an awful place. Birth Dad agreed that Ms. D was making some bad decisions and hopefully he will call today.

I am so thankful for the support of my older kids, the birth dad, and of course, Hubby. This is a rough time for Ms. D and Mr. I, and I am exhausted. I could hardly sleep last night, and then got a back ache just from bending over to pick something up this morning. But thankfully, Ms. D was still in her bed, so my fears of her bolting last night didn't materialize. I hope and pray we will be able to navigate this next year successfully. I've never had to deal with this much deception and drama in teenagers before. It's not as fun to have teens as it used to be!


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  2. When I would act this way as a teen, I always knew I was wrong, but "wrong" was filling a need for something critically important that I didn't otherwise know how to get met, and that's why I defended my wrongs so vehemently, and shifted the blame to my mom.

    I didn't trust that my mom would understand me or be able to help me if she knew how desperate, insecure, lonely, angry and unhappy I was. She rarely admitted her imperfections and that made me think I had to be perfect and I knew that was not something I couldn't be. I rarely heard that I was okay even though I messed up, or that my mistakes wouldn't be held against me. I didn't get that I could make better choices and get my needs met in other, healthier ways.

    Ms D is young and if her struggles are anything like mine, that's a lot to sort through at her age. Like I always say, she is so very fortunate to have you help her through it.