Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Storms and Such

Lately my inner life has been a bit stormy. 

The kids have been acting up. I don't know what is bugging Mr. I, but he's been pretty bossy and tries to order me around. Ms. D has been hiding things from us the past year, which hasn't been very good for attachment. Last night she even accused Hubby of yelling at her last Friday in front of her friend and her parents. He was shocked that she would say that, since he had been so happy that she told him that she would be more open with us. This false accusation brought up in my heart other times of being falsely accused...

...When their birth mom falsely accused us of abusing the kids when we first got them.  I think she thought she could get her kids back, but instead it just made things harder for us, because we had to go through an investigation.

...And it reminded me of the time one of our pastors falsely accused us of some pretty awful things. Later I learned about spiritual abuse and it became clearer that we were just caught up in a pretty dysfunctional church when we first moved to California. Even after over twelve years, I still have difficulty healing from that mess, especially since we've been focusing so hard on our adopted kids for the past ten of those years. 

Added to those things, the terrible tornado in Moore, OK a couple of days ago has opened some past fears. I had been in a car close to a deadly tornado when I was a child. I still got panic attacks when I heard about tornadoes up to a few years ago. After that I watched a lot of videos to lessen the effect. I don't get panic attacks anymore, but I still feel uneasy. A sign of how much it disturbed me was Monday, when I first heard of the tornado, I made a mistake in scheduling and came to a homeschool meeting nearly an hour late. I was in some kind of a fog and didn't think to make sure I wrote down the right time. 

We also have minor things that add to the stress. I had to tutor last night when I was planning to clean our house for today. We are finally signing for a refi at our house tonight, which will help us financially. And my sister and her husband are also coming over for a visit. Tonight was the only day this week that worked for everyone in the family. No one wants to miss them! We are puppy trading for a few days. Brewster is at another home and we have Culliver until this afternoon. 

Culliver is so sweet, but he is younger than Brewster, which requires more work. Because Ms. D has been so out of it lately, more of the dog care has fallen on me. All this is making for busy days.

The busyness, the anxiety about the kids, and the opening of past hurts are all combining at once. I can't wait for some of those storms to pass.

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