I've been trying to figure out why I've been in such a funk since we got back from vacation. I've been frustrated by my bad attitude, the way I've interpreted situations and people's behaviors in a negative light, and have felt so inadequate to accomplish things that are not normally difficult. It's been a struggle to be positive, which isn't typical for me.
Why am I so sad? But after thinking about it, I've had quite a few difficulties the past two weeks.
Physically, we have had challenges. We've had a virus go through the house, making us very tired, have sore throats, and have mild aches and pains. That alone could affect my mood. My shoulder has been hurting me since the camping trip. Low level pain is wearing. Allergies, headaches, and asthma have been annoying. I also had to take a family member to the urgent care clinic for a bee sting on a finger with a ring, bringing up memories of last year's visits to the hospital.
There were other challenges too. I resigned last week from co-leading our homeschool support group before we got a new leader. God provided a leader, but not until after I resigned. It was a blessing, but at the same time, it is a loss. My relationship with some of the woman will change. I feel as if I let some of them down. There are other challenges before me, some big and some small. The anticipation is almost worse than going through them.
The kids have had a difficult time reentering the school schedule. While there has been a breakthrough with Ms. D understanding what a variable is in pre-aglebra, that has been the only real high point of school the past two weeks. Mr. I has been fighting so hard to disrupt schoolwork, I am wondering if homeschooling a child with an attachment disorder and FASD is really a good idea. It has taken a lot of self control to not blow up in the face of lying, ordering about, and not doing even the simplest of tasks.
I found out that one relative moved to New Mexico right after we visited Arizona. I wish I could have known and visited while we were on vacation. Another relative had a health scare, and I wish I could have been near.
And then many of my friends have been having major tragedies in their lives. One found out she had stage four cancer just weeks after she told me she was cancer free after five years. Her husband lost his father the day after she found the news. Another friend lost her second daughter, and another a brother. Other friends lost people they loved in tragic accidents. And still others are visiting loved ones in hospitals. Their problems far eclipse mine. I pray for them, yet I'm not very good at praying and letting God handle the rest. My heart breaks for the losses that so many people I love are experiencing.
I didn't think I had much to be sad about, but I guess there was.
I don't like feeling this way, so I've been doing things that help me cope.
-I played with my grandson today, and experienced with him the wonder of nature while we were on a walk. I loved to play with him and hear his giggles.
-I have been giving people a lot more hugs. Hugging has a way of improving my mood. I am even hugging the dog more.
-I am trying to avoid bad news, and focus on the good.
-I am getting my body moving, even when I don't feel like it. I have been cleaning when I have the energy, which gives me a sense of accomplishment and improves my environment, in addition to the physical activity.
-I look at humorous sites on the internet. I try to laugh before I go to bed.
-I started another crochet project. It's much cheaper than therapy!
-I tell myself that things will get better. God is in control. He's helped me get through worse times before. I am not alone.