I'm so proud of Ms. D! She told Xander, the supposedly seventeen year old boy, that she would not see him until he came to meet us, her parents. When he "lost" his driver's license when she asked to see it and didn't come as planned, she put her foot down and broke up with him. It took a lot of courage on her part, especially since her friend, Ms. M, and Mr. I were both putting pressure on Ms. D to keep the relationship going. Ms. D stood firm.
Ms. D also told me the story within a day of the breakup while we were walking dogs yesterday. I knew something was up because of the kids' behaviors, but didn't know why they were so dysregulated. Was it because I was so busy helping my friend move, the end of the school year, something with the birth family, or something else? When Ms. D told me what happened with Xander, I gave her a hug. Teenage breakups are hard. I wish I could have taken the pain away. I wish she didn't start a secret relationship with a young man before she was ready. But we work with what we have and move on. I explained to Ms. D why it is so hard for me to handle it when she and her brother act so strangely. When they were little, I knew why they acted out. But as they grew, the difficult behaviors decreased. But then, when they start up again, I don't know why. I imagine the worst, and worry about them. Ms. D laughed, gave me a hug, and agreed that they do act up when they are hiding something from me. Our relationship was restored.
Breaking up with a boyfriend is hard enough, but Ms. D has to work through something even more difficult. Ms. M, her best friend, is not willing to stop being in contact with Xander. Ms. D is seeing that Ms. M is choosing Xander over Ms. D and is pretty upset about it. It doesn't surprise me, since I have seen for a few years that Ms. M was using Ms. D as boy bait. Ms. D hasn't been able to see that until now. This is so hard, because earlier in the day Ms. D told me that breaking up with Xander had been easier because she knew Ms. M would stick by her. Ms. M is not sticking by. This really hurts.
Hubby wanted to take Ms. D out last night, but she wasn't ready. He'll take her out another time. She did spend some girl time with Microbio Daughter, and was able to express her feelings. I'm so thankful that I have daughters who are able to support one another through difficult times. I pray that this whole experience will bring growth. It has taught me that Ms. D is a stronger than I thought. I love my girl!