Today was an emotional roller coaster. It was a very stressful day.
I did do some things with some friends to cope. I helped one friend pack to move, which wouldn't normally be a stress relieving activity. I'll really miss her. But it helped me to keep busy with something and help someone who was going through a stressful time too. It was a lot better than mindlessly fiddling around on the computer or taking a nap. I was surrounded by a small army of boy scouts and a few others who kept us company. I do better with others around me when things get tough.
I also took a walk with another friend who had also adopted. I didn't talk much. Usually talking helps me to sort out my confusing thoughts. But I had no energy to talk. So I listened. This time listening was better than talking. My friend asked me how I handle the stress that comes from parenting a teenaged, adopted girl in a good way. I looked at her and couldn't come up with anything. My brain is in such a fog. She said the sweetest thing. She looked at me with understanding and said, "Of course you can't think of anything. You are in the midst of it now."
In the midst of it. That phrase really encouraged me. I'm in the midst of it. There was a beginning, and there will be an end. This crisis won't last forever. No matter what I do, there will be a resolution sometime, somehow. I don't know how to respond and parent in a way that will keep the kids safe and at the same time attached to me and become closer to God. I don't have the answers. But that's OK. I don't have to beat myself down for things out of my control. I have made plenty of mistakes, but I have tried. Even though I sometimes feel that I'm one of the worst parents around, I really don't have the best of perspective. Why?
I'm in the midst of it.