Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Beating the Odds

The past few months have been difficult, to say the least. I've had to deal with situations that are fairly common with kids adopted from traumatic backgrounds and have been affected by fetal alcohol.

http://www.cdc.gov/ncbddd/fasd/secondary-conditions.html

The statistics are pretty frightening, but like any parent, I thought we would beat the odds. I hoped that being an experienced parent, reading, learning, praying, and having good therapists and support would be the keys that would heal my children and help them to have a happy life. I was a mother hen who protected my children and tried to shield them from the heartache their birth family has suffered.

I tried. But it wasn't enough. And now the whole family is suffering.

I am finding that I can't shield my children from bad choices. I can't keep them from hurting, or acting out in their hurt.

I am becoming a bit cynical and defeated. One friend has been posting pictures of adopted children with bright eyes and smiles. I look at those pictures and notice those children don't look like my daughter, with her eyes full of pain, heavy makeup, clothes I have to ask her not to wear in public, and the duck lips. I hate duck lips! So when I see those pictures of the other children, I think, "Just wait until they are teenagers!" And then I kick myself for thinking such thoughts. Maybe those other adopted children will beat the odds. Maybe their teenage years will be more like my birth children's, not without challenges, but bearable and sometimes enjoyable. I hope they will live happy lives, love God and their family, and not go through what we are experiencing.

No one should have to go through what we are going through as a family. But people do. We are. It is harder than anything.

I hope we can heal and do better from now on. It doesn't look good from here, but there is always hope.  Maybe we will beat the odds from here on out...Maybe...

1 comment: