Guess who had a meltdown at church?
The gathering was at our house. I was exhausted, since I couldn't sleep well last night, getting maybe four hours total. I had a busy day cleaning house and spending time with family, since I couldn't do a thing last night. No nap. We were wrapping up the evening with some sharing some really cool insights on a really difficult passage in Judges. Then a certain boy sits behind me and whispers in my ear, "I don't want to move. The crime rate is worse in Seattle than it is here. Why do we have to move? I don't want to move! I don't want to move..."
So who had the meltdown?
It was an awesome meltdown, one that could have been embarrassing, except our church is small and close knit. You can't hide much from a church like that. I told Mr. I loudly, in front of everyone, that I didn't want to here the phrase, I don't want to move, one more time! Then I jumped up and ran to the kitchen so that people didn't see me cry and fall apart. Cleaning the kitchen is my "go to" for releasing bad energy. If you know me, you would know that I must be at my limit, or even beyond, for me to choose to clean rather than socialize.
I understand that Mr. I is afraid. Moving will be a big change. But we aren't going to live in Seattle, but in some suburb near there. I looked up the crime rate and Seattle's is falling as San Jose's is rising, making the rate pretty close, so he really doesn't have to worry. The unknown is pretty frightening. But he doesn't know we will keep him safe. He doesn't trust that we will take care of him. His past trauma is stirred up by our moving, and it will be difficult to comfort him. My meltdown won't help him. Though I am hoping that he won't continue the dripping water torture of repeating the same phrase over and over. There is a lot to do in the next few weeks. I can't let him get to me.
So if you pray, please pray for peace. Pray for joy, for a sense of adventure. And most of all, pray for healing of hearts. I can't continue without God's help.